I went out last night with my girlfriend Debbie. We went to the Great Northern restaurant. Had 7 months of conversation to catch up on. Our server was really rude, that I do remember. She didn't bring the complete meal and when we stopped her she in so many words told Debbie get it yourself. Ha! lol! That's the kind of people that live here in Malta for the most part. With the exception of Debbie. Our server was more concerned about waiting on the hunters and getting a good tip instead of serving us. My meal had something wrong with it and she never stopped back to check on me. An hour later she make a comment. Oh you need a to-go box. An hour later we were still waiting for the box. Good thing we had 7 months of great conversation to catch up on. In addition Debbie and I couldn't believe what we were seeing and hearing. The server got into a verbal altercation with another couple sitting across from us. Now in any other place you'd loose your job. Not in Malta! They want to make sure all the jobs go the people that live in Malta, NOT the outsiders!!
I got home about 11:14pm and Duane had been waiting up, worried. And rightfully so. With my head injury and permanent brain damage he knows I'm very vulnerable. I told him "I had my cell phone with, you could have called me honey". Maybe next time he will and not worry so much. It's better that he checks on me then to sit and worry.
We talked over a midnight snack since I didn't eat at the GN. I told him with my memory being so bad the one memory I have from the previous day is of him telling me he was choosing his own direction and going without me. (still really pain full to even type out) My memory is fuzzy, but I do know he apologized for his words. He said he's cracking under the pressures of the changes we have to make due to my brain injury. (Side note: Jean (rehab therapist) said this is so normal for families). I listened to what he said. I do have a vague recollection of him saying he needs to provide that security for me, and he does!
I told Duane that if he can't take care of me and protect me like and brain injured person needs, than he needs to help me get set up with someone or somebody that can. I can only protect myself to a certain point. As much as a child can right now, maybe a little bit more. But that's all! My injury won't allow anymore.
I've got to admit. It's a hard journey, but a beautiful one at times. There's no brain injury person manual that tells you how to cope with all your memory being erased and your personality changing. You just have faith! Take deep breath and move on. I have seen so many blessings out of this already. Yet, I have the pain that I have to move through and my family also. The pain and grief of what once was is no longer going to be, or ever will be!
My dear dear friend Donna and I have been talking a lot on the phone and when I'm back in North Dakota. I do see and understand I've been given a second chance in life. :) I'm also figuring out my new gifts, and Donna is there to help me along. What a wonderful human being she is. I see so many more things in the world that I never ever noticed. the colors are more beautiful, the world seems more alive. I'm so drawn to place to sit and listen to the earth and what our creator is saying. It's so peaceful and full filling for me. I hope to be able to do that in the Badlands soon! I need to get grounded from all the negativity and the feeling of death all around us here in Malta.
